Shopping with Charlotte

I didn’t realize how spoiled I was with shopping in New York City (not that I really ever had enough money to fully enjoy it) until I moved to San Jose and discovered that while we have all the same stores, they are so much smaller.

Anyway, I’ve taken advantage of shopping the last few days in San Francisco and decided to check out GAP today since I still have a gift card from Christmas.  I needed a new pair of skinny jeans to wear with my awesome new brown boots, but I wasn’t feeling particularly skinny. Knowing it was going to take a lot to shove my behind into them, I grabbed a size up from what I normally wear.  They fit okay (a little tight in the legs and a little big in the waist) and since I didn’t have a shopping buddy for a second opinion, I figured I’d buy them to model for Chris and return them if they weren’t quite right.

As I was checking out, the sales lady, Charlotte, looked at the jeans then gave me a quizzical eye.

“Oh crap,” I thought.  She’s totally going to tell me I have no business wearing skinny jeans.  But it went more like this:

Charlotte: Are these jeans for you?

Me: Yes.

Charlotte: Did you try them on?

Me: Yes.

Charlotte: Turn around.  Let me see your behind.

I turn.  Awkwardly.

Charlotte: Did you try a smaller size?

(What?  Is this lady nuts?  Did she not just look at my behind?)

Me: Yes.  They wouldn’t fit my legs (Okay.  I lied.  I didn’t try them on but I knew they wouldn’t fit my legs.)

Charlotte: Come with me.  You’re trying on a smaller size.

Me: Ok.

Charlotte:  Look at me.  I’m bigger than you and I’m wearing those jeans.  I know those are going to stretch out and be way too big for you. I’ve been selling blue jeans for 25 years.  Oh.  Are you chewing gum?

Me: Yes.  Do you want some?

Charlotte: Yes.

I give Charlotte gum. Charlotte spots my engagement ring.

Charlotte: You’re engaged!  Your man is NOT going to like it if you buy those too big jeans and they’re all saggy on your behind.

Me: Probably not.

Charlotte follows me into the dressing room, hands me a new pair of smaller jeans and says she’ll be back.  I yank the jeans up over my legs.  They button nicely.  Phew.  Charlotte returns.

Charlotte: Let me see.

Me: These are better in the waist but they’re pretty tight on my calves.

Charlotte: That’s because they’re damn sexy.  Giiirrrl you have a lot of curves.

(Hmmm)

Charlotte: Can you sit down?

I sit down.

Charlotte: Can you bend over and pick something up?

I bend over and pretend to pick something up.

Charlotte: Can you squat?

I squat.

Charlotte:  See!  I just could not let you buy those too big jeans.

Charlotte leads me back to the register where she allows me to buy smaller jeans.  I think sometimes we all need a Charlotte with us when we shop.

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